


NIGHTFALL

by moonsfics



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Kpop - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 10:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12957507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsfics/pseuds/moonsfics
Summary: This is a drabble made from a prompt post from tumblr that was requested: “I shouldn’t be in love with you.” w/ blackpink member of my choice (Jennie)





	NIGHTFALL

Five nights in a row she has used the key you gave her to your apartment. She unlocks the front door at around 11:30pm every night, almost to the minute, sneaks into your room after quietly stepping through your dark living room and avoiding your sleeping cat and dog, then slips into bed behind you, wrapping her arms around you and snuggling her face in your neck. Almost every time, like tonight, her nose brushes along your chin and she hugs you tighter against her, claiming her place as the big spoon. She’s already in a sweater and sweats—mostly as a disguise, but also to protect from the cold weather showcasing outside, announcing the approaching winter—and her body is warm against you.

Night time has become your favorite time, although it was never your least favorite as you got to rest and sleep—but now, it is not the sleep you look forward to, it’s Jennie’s company.

She takes deep, slow breaths, causing the hot exhales to grace your skin. She’s nuzzled comfortably against you, a low humming begins to vibrate from the back of her throat, and you want to just melt against her, but you can’t. That part of your mind—the part you try to silence as much as you can, especially when she’s here—is speaking loudly again, trying to get your attention.

It’s the part of you that hates you only get to see her at night, inside your apartment, when your roommate is asleep or out for the night. You never really go out in public the way you wish you did, much less on real dates. If you’re ever out with Jennie, it’s as two friends shopping and getting dinner, because if anyone found out she was dating—and a girl at that—she could get in huge trouble not only with the media, but with YG Entertainment. You know she hates having to hide you, it hurts her as much as it hurts you, but she sometimes makes it seem like she’s the only one who has a lot to lose in this situation.

Jennie forgets how much it hurts you when she’s gone for days. How much it hurts you can’t tell anyone you have a girlfriend but she can tell her group members—but even then you can’t be a real couple around them because there’s someone else always there. How painful it is to only have her for a few hours, then have to kiss her goodbye before the sun starts rising. Jennie doesn’t realize how being with her doesn’t really feel like  _being_  with her. And she’s had other relationships, with both men and women, and they’ve all functioned around the same sneaking-off line, so it leads you to believe she doesn’t know a relationship to be anything but  _this_.

“Hey, are you alright?” Jennie asks. She loosens her grip on you, enough for you to turn under the blankets to face her.

The room is mostly dark, except for the little light shining in from the window behind you. It doesn’t cast a light over Jennie, but it still makes the space around you glow a bit with light. You can make out her tired features, and you study the way her long hair is braided and rests over her shoulder and almost around her neck as she lays on her side. Her dark eyes study your face, her cheeks a little flushed from the warm heat of the blankets and clothes, and her lips rest in a worried curve at the corners.

Giving a small nod, you try to smile before reaching for her, wrapping your arm around her to pull her in closer. She doesn’t seem to believe you as her expression turns into a concern frown within seconds and she pulls back when you try to kiss her.

You were hoping to shut down that voice in your head by having her close, by touching her, and kissing her, and just losing yourself in her. But Jennie seems to catch that something is wrong, and you feel it building—that urgency to say what is eating you up. She pulls completely back, then sits up on the bed, leaning against the headboard.

“Babe, what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

Her statement makes you think about the fact that she doesn’t really know the extent to which what’s been troubling you has led you to act strange lately. She’s not around to see how you’re not really into the conversations with your friends because you’re too busy thinking about her, what she’s doing, if she’s resting, if she’s getting enough food and water, if she’ll answer your text soon. How you try to ignore the way your friends are coupled, having intimate moments while you’re out hanging out and try not to let the heart ache overwhelm you. You constantly miss having her hand in yours as you walk, wish you could point to the clothes you think she’d like, and be able to kiss her cheek or lips when she says something cute while sitting at a cafe. She doesn’t know about the constant lonely ache eating at your heart when you miss her.

She doesn’t know that you’ve been falling in love with someone who only shows up at nightfall, who is yours under the moonlight, but when the sun appears you have to pretend to be only her friend in public. You can’t really show how much you truly care for her. If you admit you love her, you know it will be more painful, and it could break you.

“I’m fine,” you manage to say as you sit up beside her.

Jennie gives you a look that makes you turn your attention anywhere but at her face.

“Nooo, you’ve been more quiet than usual,” she says in a tentative voice. She reaches out to you, brushing a stray hair behind your ear. She traces her finger down your neck, then outlines the right side of your collarbone. The touches spring goosebumps along your skin, and when she presses the tips of her fingers on your collarbone you finally turn to look at her, basking in the heat of the pads of her fingers on your skin.

You find yourself shutting your eyes, then take a deep breath, and finally you whisper to her in a voice a lot weaker than wished, “ _Please don’t_  Jen.”

Her fingers stop touching you but she moves a little closer to you. “Hey, oh my gosh, what’s going on?” Her hands find yours resting on your lap and she clasps then tightly. “Baby, come on, please look at me...”

Taking another deep breath and exhaling it slowly, you finally look at her. “Jennie... Jennie, I think I’m in love with you.”

Her worry falls, her expression is unreadable, but her grip on your hands loosens.

“What?” she asks softly.

“Jennie, I-“

“Why?”

You feel like your heart is going to explode. You feel like something is pressing against your chest, and you feel the tears filling up. “Because I am Jennie, and I don’t know what to do. I know I shouldn’t be in love with you, but I can’t keep this to myself anymore. It’s eating me alive, and what we have.. it... i-it’s just not enough.”

“Y/N... I can’t... I can’t get into anything serious right now, you know that.”

“Really? Because you spend almost every night here, in my arms, whispering things to me, and asking me to hold you. You’ve cried to me, you’ve broken down in front of me. You’ve opened up to me, and you trust me like I trust you. All I’m asking is to be treated with some respect, I don’t expect you to love me back-“

“I do respect you!”

“No. It doesn’t feel that way, Jennie. I feel used more than anything,” you croak, your voice breaking in the last word, your heart aching as you watch her eyes water.

“But I’m not using you, I care about you, you know that!”

“I don’t feel it sometimes Jennie. Do you have any idea how much I miss you? How much I wish we could be a normal couple? How am I your girlfriend when we can’t even go out?”

“You are...”

“No, I’m not... if you want me, all of me, I need you to give me all of you.” The tears are already falling, her face is distorted but them, but you feel her reach out for your hands and grip them.

“Of course I want you, and you do have me...”

“No, I don’t, Jennie.”

“You know I can’t do anymore than what I can give you now...”

Your heart feels like it’s being squeezed, and you let go of her hands to hug yourself, recoiling onto yourself as a lump starts to form in your throat—impeding you from saying what you should say, what is going to break you.

Jennie wipes the tears from her cheeks, the reaches forward to cup your face and swiping at your own tear stained cheeks with her thumps. “I’ll give you anything else, anything you want. We can go on a short trip, just the two of us-“

“And do what? Go shopping like bffs during the day and have sex and hold each other at night. We can’t go on dates, we can’t hold hands on public the way a couple does, and it’d be the end if I kissed you in public. No one even knows we’re together and I’m not allowed to tell my family and friends, Jennie.”

“Please don’t do this,” she whispers, her own voice cracking. She leans forward to press her forehead against yours, new tears falling over her cheeks again.

You cup her face and pull her in closer, and as your tears fall and your heart aches, you press your lips against her. The kiss is wet with the tears, desperate and needy, like you’re both hoping the kiss can heal the wounds created. But you pull back before it can go any further. Wiping at your cheeks and sniffling, you find Jennie’s pleading eyes. Your heart hurts as you look at her, but you swallow the lump and find your voice. “You should go, Jennie.”

“Y/N-“ she says with a sobs that you feel inside your chest and you almost moan in pain at hearing her plead for you to not do this. “ _Please_  don’t.”

“Just go, please...”

Reluctantly, she does, and the second you hear your front door lock close, you fold in on yourself, hugging you pillow and letting out the sob that had been choking you, realizing you just broke up with the first woman you’ve ever loved.


End file.
